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Large Marge.'s LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, May 20th, 2008 | | 9:56 pm |
I have a crush and I want to marry him. Good weekend. Thinking of moving to Nashville when my lease is up with Nicholas Ronald Testa and his girlfriend, Jennifer. Never stay still. Always keep moving. I feel crazy. I will probably quit my job before I move to spend more time with family and friends and just work some crazy close job to pay the bills until November. Blah blah blah.  | | Thursday, March 27th, 2008 | | 11:12 pm |
Life advice.
I don't have much of it, but the little I do have: Matt Burchett is a liar, cheater, and is still the same person he was when he was 17. Only let him in your life if you feel like being humiliated and/or betrayed. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice.. . In other news, I'm starting my life over on Sunday (with the help of someone with equally as little life advice as myself, Ms. Janna). | | Tuesday, December 25th, 2007 | | 10:05 pm |
| | Sunday, November 25th, 2007 | | 12:31 am |
Goodbye, Casey.
 From being 15 watching Missouri Loves Company at the fish club in Trenton to being 22 and catching up via late night aim conversations, you will always have a place in my heart. I know you were hurting but I also know you were healing. I'm surrounded in my house by people who were your closest and dearest and the pain is unbearable. And the only memory that keeps me smiling is "Futon covers go on futons, not on Casey's!" Goodbye. | | Sunday, November 11th, 2007 | | 3:20 pm |
I love my house. I hate my job. Updating my resume at the moment. Listen to more music, please. ( Party On, Ohio. ) | | Sunday, October 21st, 2007 | | 9:12 am |
I shot this for AP this week. With only a few hours notice and some buzzkill art directors (band members) it turned out okay.  This is my last week in New York. Next weekend will be my first in Ohio in almost 5 years now. Along with this old man weiner.  I'm living with my best friend, Nick, and my other close friend Ian. If you live within 4 hours and you haven't seen me in 2 years because of touring/New Yorking, come see me, please. Spring Break '99. Stacy Rules. | | Monday, June 25th, 2007 | | 9:15 pm |
| | Friday, April 20th, 2007 | | 9:14 am |
I've honestly never felt this mixed up in my life. But it is what it is and I still have what's important going for me. I'm up and down everyday, optimistic as hell and then down to never wanting to leave my room. I like being alone. I like figuring things out myself. It's so hard for me to accept help from anybody on anything because I've literally been completely alone (besides my little man, Rags) since Febuary. I've thought about moving back to Ohio on more than one occassion just so I can be closer to the people who no one here could ever measure up to. But I have a good job. I'm working towards better things. Better days. Not to mention it would put even more of a strain on my relationship. I wish I felt like being with people on a more regular basis. I'm pretty sure touring has ruined my social skills. Maybe not touring, but who I did it with and the terrible tension that was stuck in the air no matter who was in the van/bus. Some people just can't live and let live. So here I am in New York. And it will take me a while but today I'm making a promise to do whatever it takes to make me happy again. I can't just live here and be miserable all the while. I'm going to build a small studio in my living room. I'm going to pick my art back up again. And I'll be happy. Maybe all I need is a real vacation. I wish it were that easy. And until then I will listen to all the blue collar punk/rock I can get my hands on because it's the only music that will ever stick with me until I close my eyes and die. Maybe we're the lucky ones 'Cause we can choose to turn it off Maybe we're the lonely ones 'Cause we decide to shield what's soft I'm sure you'll learn to dance and drink and dream but you might still feel lost And I see myself in you my friend but I would break where you would bend I'm calling on what you defend and tonight I won't hold back Just don't waste all your years
believing in the fear
You'll choke out what's alive and make
What's wrong be all that's realI can see you're weakened at the seams And trying to swim upstream but can't find a way So here we are again trying to hold back the tides behind our eyes lucky ones trying to drink from both the wells we claim are dry I guess I've found some freedom in embracing every time they pry We're both the same You're just like me And when your skin finally sheds You'll find your nerves all in shreds The price may be to keep your heart, you'll lose your head. Current Music: The Loved Ones | | Tuesday, March 20th, 2007 | | 1:57 pm |
I just wanted to show everyone Mr Montgomery Rags Ghanbarian-Smallwood. He's quite the man.    He's a wirehaired standard dachshund. And he's a Rangers fan. | | Saturday, February 24th, 2007 | | 10:52 pm |
Nicholas Ronald Testa.
I'm not sure how many of you know this person. And I'm not sure how many of you truly know what it's like to have a person like him in your life, but this is just a glimpse into the friendship that has lasted through him breaking my heart when I was a freshmen, touring together, and so many tricks and hos along the way: Me: hey bitchnips him: I'm going to a strip club. because that's good for you me: slap some titties, it adds on 10 years to your life. unlike cigarettes. him: I hate women, so i'm going to look at women who hate themselves. him: I'm going alone me: NO you're not.. him: hahhaha kidding me: I was about to LOL so hard i would have probably farted. him: I just lol'd. Holy shit that was good. him: I'm going in sweatpants and a shirt that says "FBI female body inspector" me: I just farted. We say LOL and we MEAN it.  | | Sunday, February 4th, 2007 | | 8:23 pm |
Update for reals.
I was planning on updating this sometime next week when I MOVE AGAIN. But now there is time so update it is. First of all, I'm moving. Next week. I don't know whether it was just my roommate(house owner) being sketchy or if we really HAVE to move (what people won't do for parking in New York), either way it was/is a huge inconvenience BUT we found a great place. Wood floors, high ceilings, pet friendly. It's an (affordable) dream. The building used to be an old glorious hotel and there are still little mom and pop stores all within walking distance. AND a privately owned movie theatre a block away. I'll have my home with my boyfriend and a floppy haired guitar tech named Kyle. But they tour more than 8 months a year basically so it will just be me and whatever little furry creature I decide to adopt. And maybe a fish and/or plant. So here's to moving only ONCE in 2007. I got my second promotion and now I am a millionaire. Or I guess a thousandaire, rather. Whatever the correct title is, it will allow me to live much more comfortably I'm hoping. Not that I wasn't comfortable before, but come on, now I'm a thousandaire. I'm still having a quarter life crisis it's just taken a much more mild appearance. I still need to get a website and do more photography. Yes. It's a necessity. I shot Ant and Nicole's wedding, it turned out awesome and I'm taking in everything to be printed this week. With all the other craziness going on tomorrow is really the first day I can actually sit down and concentrate on editing. I shot the photo for Rolling Stone. I did a Draven add for AP. And soon I will have a whole new crazy vintage building to photograph once I move.  OH! And I bought a 24" iMac to view all of this editing on. It's bigger than the television sitting next to it. I can video chat with Julie and her head is bigger than mine when it's on full screen mode! And when I'm being ULTRA lazy, I videochat with Tanya who is less than a full flight of steps away on the first floor of the house. ..BUT IT'S VIDEO CHATTING. Get with 2007, amateurs. Now that I have my very own iPod I now realize the beauty of shuffle. Thanks to Billy for all the music I've always loved but never in mp3 form. Onto other realizations and epiphanies (not including amateurs in 2007 and video chatting): I've been working on bettering myself and lightening the load of others baggage. I'm not saying I've cut ropes loose, I'm just saying in the process of trying to figure out how to make my time in New York easier and more enjoyable/productive I haven't been able to deal with bullshit, for lack of a better word. I can only tell someone how THEY'RE ruining their own life, not EVERYONE ELSE, so many times. I think the move might have a huge impact on my attitude towards everything. But for now, the only words of advice I can offer are quit out sourcing the blame of your own defaults. Links to possible future lifemates: http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=7055029http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=7812824http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=7791058And many more. It just has to be small for the apartment. Yeah, dawg. And last but not least: Nick and I have reunited with childhood smiles and yelling with Monday Night RAW every week and whenever we can during the week other wrestling extravaganzas such as ECW. We're also working on expanding on biography style wrestling dvd's. The latest buys are The Hulk Hogan Anthology and The Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior. We bought the "McMahon" one, but I think the ebay bad man jipped us because we payed for it long over 5-10 business days in UPS Ground form ago. Bummer.  | | Monday, January 29th, 2007 | | 8:05 pm |
I have an iPod now
So I can easily do one of these surveys. I'm so excited and so are you. What does next year have in store for me? Fall Semester (The Get Up Kids) What does my love life look like? Circus of the Stars (Braid) What do I say when life gets hard? Sleeping Weather (Small Brown Bike) What do I think of when I get up in the morning? Wait (Sinking Ships) What song will I dance to at my wedding? Between Us To Hold (Hayden) What do I want as a career? An Envoy to the Open (Mew) My favorite saying? Seamless (Grade) My favorite place? Perfectly (The Anniversary) What do I think of my parents? Chain Link Fence (Lucero) Where would I go on a first date? I Just Wasn't Made For These Times (Brian Wilson Live) Drug of choice? Well Behaved (H2O) Describe myself. Those Anarcho Punks are Mysterious (Against Me!) What is the thing I like doing most? The Postman (The American Analog Set) The song that best describes the President? Everyone Feels Like You (Owen) What is my state of mind like at moment? Poison (Hot Water Music) How will I die? Away and Anyware (John Frusciante) The song that will be played at my funeral? Certain Tragedy (Saves The Day) (These are so fun now and not annoying at all). | | Saturday, January 27th, 2007 | | 9:09 pm |
I shot a little sumtin sumtin for bayside the other night. I think it turned out okay for less than 12 hours notice and working for 9 of those 12 hours.  ps. It's going in Rolling Stone. | | Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 | | 7:06 pm |
There are some days I'm so rundown and I basically just hurt mentally and physically but then I realize I'm coming home to this butthead and I feel better than I've ever felt before.  I still miss Pittsburgh more than anything in my life. I've kind of been socially retarded lately. I lost my aunt and had a medical scare with Nick so I've just been quietly repairing myself before I even try to communicate with anyone. But I get to see my be(a)st friend, Big Boot Bill, Aileen and I don't know who else on Saturday and it's going to probably the longest best day of my life. Bob Lahblah. | | Wednesday, December 13th, 2006 | | 9:36 pm |
I don't even know where to begin. I rarely ever get on livejournal (or even online at that matter) and when I do it's usually just to check up on emails. So here's a bit of a life update: I was promoted in November and they want to promote me again in January when our store manager goes on maternity leave. I wasn't too sure about the job to begin with as it's not in my field of choice but it was still decent money and I was working with some amazing people. I kept looking for leads in photography but it just wasn't working out here. So when they wanted to promote me I obviously accepted. I still wasn't positive that this is what I want to do but after going on tour for a couple days last week just to see Nick it was pretty obvious that the tour life is over for good for me unless a different band that lacks an alcoholic, a weed/slut addict and a princess wants me to tour manage and wants to pay me more than they should, it's not going to happen. So after going on tour and realizing how much I love my job, I've decided this is what I want to do for now and I've already proved to my coworkers and myself that I'm worth these promotions and hopefully future ones that could lead to me and Nick moving to the city but that won't be for a while. I still haven't made too many friends here besides my housemates who were already friends and the people I work with, but it's still wonderful. I'm sad some days when I think about the people in Pittsburgh and at home, but I know why I'm here and I don't regret it at all. Once Nick's album comes out in Febuary he's going to be gone a lot but I work so much and I just found a photo lab/art building in the city that I'll probably be going to once I get more details about it so I'm sure all of that will keep me busy while he's gone for the next year. Either way, I fall asleep happy and complete everynight. It kind of bums me out when I read many of my friends updates and every update talks about how much they're drinking or how they're drunk or how they're going to be getting drunk in 5 minutes. It also bums me out about how insecure a lot of people that were once a part of my life have become in the past year while I've been away. But I guess growing up and apart does that. ..bums you out, that is. And for those who are wondering (I know there's for sure 4 of you): Yes, I'm still straightedge. Yes, I'm still the one person who is that doesn't yell it from the rooftops. Yes, I still believe in God. And whatever else you were uncertain of, there's a 99% chance that the answer is still as it was 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, etc years ago. I'm bored with this. Goodbye. ps. I miss you too, Morgan <3  | | Sunday, November 19th, 2006 | | 1:12 am |
I got promoted after only a month. Manager in Training (I get benefits now!) Probably assistant manager when I'm done training. Nick and I are the best ever. I'm trying to get my sister to go to college on Long Island. 2 Going home soon for christmas3 with Nick. 4 (All the random numbers are5 presents from Nick).666 | | Sunday, October 29th, 2006 | | 10:06 pm |
Grandma was killed a year ago. The accident was a year ago. I think I made it through okay. I cried once at work but I was on break so I hid in the bathroom. I'm just glad Nick is still here after all that has happened to himself and me to fall asleep with me everynight and love me the way I've always wanted to be loved. ps. Every year I tell Morgan happy birthday on lj, even though it's a few days late, Happy Birthday, Halfrican. | | Tuesday, October 17th, 2006 | | 12:53 pm |
Short Update. I work at Anthropologie now while looking for another photograhy job, I'm always too late with my resume for some reason. I get payed VERY well at Anthro though, so it's not so bad. Retail is just so boring. I've met a couple people recently though that may need assistant photographers and that pays so well I could just spit. I just flew home yesterday but I'm only here for a couple of days. Packing and getting my car to move the rest of my belongings to NY. Nick is upstate recording in the country with unlimited cable options and 2 giants that like to play fetch. I'm very jealous of him and miss him so mucho nacho. Apparently while I've been gone our house has turned into a kennel. Lauren found a kitten on the side of the road a few months ago and he's the most beautiful kitten I've ever seen. He has a very rare coat that's white at the roots and has black ends so when he walks and the light hits him he looks shimmery silver. His name is Amigo (another weird animal name to add to the list of Smallwood's Weird Animal Names including: Amigo Rascal Nomad Bob L.D. Weiner) And a lady at mom's work couldn't keep her dog anymore so we have it until a friend of my parent's is going to take it when she moves into her new house at the end of the month. He's a dapple colored miniature daschund, named Apple (also weird), and L.D. likes to make him his butt victim. I went to the woman doctor today. That wasn't exciting. And now I'm eating a tuna, green pepper, tomato, and lettuce sub on asiage parmesean bread and I have a dentist appointment in an hour. How's that for inconsideration. I'll have pictures of mine and Nick's place up as soon as I get back to NY and finish decorating with all my stuff. Because as of right now the only decorative items we have are New York Rangers pillows and blanket. We're super fans. My life is so exciting. Tits. | | Thursday, September 28th, 2006 | | 9:09 am |
There were good times that were documented with photographs, but what mostly sticks out in my mind is how I really just wanted to go home. I couldn't deal with 15 guys, 15 personalities not meshing all too well, 3 different band with 3 different personalities, and waking up every night at 5am to amatuers who think if bus call is at 8am then the party must go on until that time and not be very thoughtful of others. Really, who parties EVERY night on a bus. Sounds fun. Almost as fun as partying every night in your own home. Or is that just over excessive? Haven't quite figured it out yet. Either way, you could tell there were a lot of first bus experience timers. The good times were actually great times, they were just too few and far between in this experience. We (the workers of the bands) did a lot of trash talking to the 14-17 year old Aiden fans who think music is makeup (just an observation). And honestly, I never want to spend more than a week in a country who's major music magazine voted Aiden Best Band of the Year. Have they honestly listened to the album or did they just have fun partying with them one night while getting their genitals fondled by them while putting on their makeup? Either way, I'm home now and today we start painting our room at the house and move in after that's finished. Which is the best news in the world considering I haven't been able to sleep for the past 4 weeks because of (a.)Nonstop bus partying and banging and (b.) Nick's mom babysits 4 young girls that yell and stomp loudly at 7:30 in the morning which leaves me at waking up and watching terrible television and updating livejournal. Go figure..  ( The good times(in no particular order): ) | | Sunday, September 17th, 2006 | | 12:12 pm |
I've been in the UK for a while. 3 bands on one bus. 1 girl. 15 boys. I want to go home. Constant Noise. Bigots. Here's pictures of some decent times so far: (I had to change the sizes on these on some inferior editing program, sorry if they look awkward)     |
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